Elinor and the Crown
by bStormhands
Summary: Queen Elinor had a lot of her identity invested in that crown. What would be Elinor's thoughts when Merida brought it back. Elinor warns Merida about her own crown.
1. Elinor and the Crown

Elinor was looking at her crown. Her crown scared her a little now. Watching it sit on the table.

Merida had brought it back to her a couple of days after their adventure.

Queen Elinor and King Fergus were going to be sitting on their thrones again to talk with the clan-chiefs some more before they sailed home.

But Elinor was afraid if she put the crown on again, she wouldn't be who she was now anymore.

She had carefully put it down before going into the stream to try catching fish to eat. She had been so hungry, even after all the fish Merida had caught for her, but she hadn't wanted to loose the crown. She had felt the tug of the bear on her almost as soon as she changed; to be the bear, the beast, wild and untamable.

She had needed the crown and clothes as a shield against that. But it hadn't been enough. She had lost herself to the bear. She had hurt her own daughter.

It had hurt a lot when she had learned that Merida had done this to her. She had asked herself if she hadn't been a good mother? But the answer was no, she hadn't been. She had been working so hard trying to be a good queen, trying to teach Merida to be the perfect princess, that she had forgotten to be a good parent.

How many times had she railed to her dog at the unfairness of her own parents when she had been Merida's age?

She had had to marry Fergus to solidify the alliance between the clans. At first it she had been content to be his wife, but he was good at war; he was less good at peace. So she had stepped up to bolster him and his rule. To make the clan stronger.

She had needed the crown to remind the clan that she was the queen and to be obeyed.

But now she realized that she was the crown. The crown had defined her so much, it allowed her to be powerful but it had made her forget herself.

She had lost herself to the crown as much as she had lost herself to the bear. Elinor shivered.

Queen Elinor still needed to rule but Elinor loved her husband and children like she hadn't since they had first been together. And she wanted to love them like she loved them now forever.

Queen Elinor may have walked into a brawl and taken the clan-chiefs in hand like rowdy children, but Elinor had thrown off the clans to protect her daughter and had fought and defeated Mor'du himself to save her family.

"Elinor, The clan-chiefs are ready," said Fergus from the door.

"Yes, dear. I'll be right in." Not looking away from the crown.

The crown did not control her, would not control her.

Elinor picked up the crown and with shaking hands put it on her own head. She could feel herself change, becoming a queen. But there was more to her then the crown, much more, especially now.

* * *

Merida is chasing her little brothers into the dinning hall and around the table as the Queen is sitting at the table sorting through a few last letters.

"Merida!" The queen snaps. Everyone stops.

Queen Elinor stands and everyone looks down expecting to get punished. Elinor removes her crown and places it properly on the table.

Merida and the boys shot glances at each other, this was not something mum had ever done before. Mum never took off her crown unless she was in bed. Were they in a lot more trouble then they thought for some reason?

Elinor stepped away from the table; settled herself brought her hands up in front of her like claws and opened her mouth and shouted. "Gonna getchya!" and charged them with a huge smile on her face.

Merida and the boys barely got their jaws off of the ground in time to dodge their Mum with squeals of laughter.

* * *

Authors Note: Queen Elinor's identity was deeply tied to her crown. They left it by that stream, but I doubt they forgot about it, and Merida is good enough to go get it. But I am not so sure that Elinor appreciated that.


	2. Merida and the Crown

Merida and Her Crown

* * *

Merida found her Mum sitting at the big table. It was time for princess lessons but Mum was just sitting there looking at the crowns that were sitting on the table.

The way Mum was staring at the crown was odd. Merida had gone out to get it yesterday, it was so odd seeing Mum without her crown, like something was out of place, it had taking her a while to figure out what it was that was wrong, then she finally noticed that Mum didn't have her crown on.

They had grown so close after Mum's furry little problem was solved. Things were calming down again now that the clans had gone home and Merida was expecting the normal routine to return and princess lessons to continue.

"Uh, mum are you okay?"

Elinor shook herself and then smiled at her beloved daughter and held out her arms. Merida rushed over and they hugged and kissed. It felt so good to both of them.

"Now then, a new lesson today. I learned something very important while I was a bear and it is something you ought to know. Look at your crown."

Merida did as she was told, because she loved her mother so much, but was wondering how her crown and her mum being a bear were related.

"What do you see?"

"Ah, my crown?" Merida said awkwardly.

Elinor rolled her eyes. "Look closer."

Merida leaned in. Her mum's crown and her own were next to each other on the table. Her crown was a thin circlet, with a large emerald at the front and white gems around the band, some nice little carving was around the emerald. Mum's crown was thicker with larger jewels, but many of the details were the same.

"It's just gold and jewels and carvings."

"Good, and that is all it ever should be to you." Elinor said emphatically.

"What?" Merida was very confused.

"A crown is nothing more then an object like a sword or a candlestick."

"Yeah." Merida said, thinking what else could it be.

"A crown is also seen as a symbol of power, like a sword. You are to do what I say because I have and own the crown." Elinor said gently, remembering how saying pretty much that same thing had caused them to say and do terrible things to each other. They had fought with words and actions and had hurt each other as deeply as they could. They had healed their bond after that but the cost had been so very high.

"You don't know this because so much of it happened before you were born. But I had to become more then what a queen is expected to be. I had dreams of marrying for love when I was a child, but I was the daughter of a clan lord, I was the only one of age when Fergus united the clans and fended off the invasion. I was ...given to him as a way to build peace between the clans. The clans have fought each other for as long as memory lasts."

"So I did as my family, the clans and the kingdom wished and married Fergus, putting my own dreams aside. I had my reservations about that. Your father is a great warrior and I was worried I was being married to a brute, but I learned that is a good man inside too. We did fall in love afterwards."

Merida put her arms around her Mum. Her eyes felt so wet and her heart so tender. Her Mum had sacrificed so much for the good of the kingdom.

"Thank you, dear. But it also became obvious that while Fergus is a good man and good at waging war, he is less good at dealing with peace."

Merida nodded about that, that was obvious.

"Once you were born, I put aside my dream of having many children and helped Fergus run the kingdom. The clans were getting restless and quarrelsome again. I didn't want the kingdom to fall to war again. So I started by helping Fergus, giving suggestions, and advice. He knew it was good advice, but he couldn't always remember all of the details, he's just not detail-oriented. He can give a rousing speech to rally the clans when they are outnumbered and motivate them so much they would win. But he forgets everything when the stakes are low. He started to have me do the explaining and he would enforce it by punching people who didn't listen to me."

"No!" Merida's eyes were all big under her curly red hair.

"Yes." Elinor's eyes sparkled with mirth.

"I found people would listen more readily if I was wearing my crown and a fancy dress. So I took to wearing it all the time. But by doing that I sacrificed something too important and almost lost the most important thing of all: Myself." Elinor looked away.

Merida gasped, she had thought her mum was going to say she almost lost her family but losing oneself would be even worse.

"I became queen so much that I forgot to be your mother. I'm sorry."

"It's okay mum, you're back and we're all safe." Merida threw her arms around her mum again.

"I know, dear. I know," said Elinor, giving her baby a kiss.

"So you will have to wear your crown, but be very careful not to _become_ your crown, or lose yourself to something else, like your bow. I also have to tell you how proud I am of you. You brought peace to the warring clans and you didn't need your crown or even anger. You were serene. You did something I've never been able to do, you were truly majestic."

"Only because you taught me and showed me, you are majestic too." Merida said, encouragingly.

"Thank you, dear." Elinor was not convinced.

"You have to understand, Merida. That the world wasn't like it is now when I was married to your father. My sole duty as queen was to have babies so the kingdom could have an heir. It would have been enough for me, I would still have had time to make tapestries. But once we had prevailed over the invaders peace came, and then we ran into problems. Fergus is a good man, he cares deeply and is a great warrior, but he has a hard time with the peace. He is a man of action and sitting around arguing over how to do something is not in his nature. He hunts the bears because it makes him feel alive and real and himself again."

"The kingdom was falling apart, the clans were getting close to making war on each other again. Fergus was worried, but his solution would be to attack and destroy the most aggressive clan, my clan. He knew that was the wrong answer for everyone, but it was the only answer he knew that would work. I pleaded with my husband and my father to work things out and they did but it took a lot of work on my part; it made me become a more active queen and I saw the power I could wield to help the kingdom. Someone had to, it took only a few months before another clan was getting restless."

"We called that clan here to talk things out. I tried to help like I did with my father's clan, but the clan lord disregarded me."

"And you didn't bite his head off?" asked Merida amazed.

"A queen does not bite off people's heads. However, Fergus almost did. He knew what I was doing was for the good of the kingdom and even if he didn't have the diplomatic skills to pull it off, he did get the lord to listen."

Merida thought about that, "With a sword or an ax?"

Elinor smiled fondly, "A sword."

Merida giggled at that.

"I am very proud of you Merida, dear. You did something I don't think I could have under the same circumstances. You were able to walk into the warring clans and get them to listen without your princess dress or your crown. You really are the princess I wanted you to grow up to be." Elinor said with tears in her eyes throwing her arms around her big girl and hugging her tightly.

"Thank you, mum."

"Mum, do I still need to take princess lessons?"

"Yes, dear you do, but the content and intention are going to change rather dramatically. Now we are going to work on the hard things."

Merida's eyes go big, wondering what her mum meant by that!

"Your father told me that you climbed and drank from the Fire Falls, I'm sorry I didn't hear you when you told me."

"Yes, I did."

"Why?" Elinor had her suspicions.

"Well, um, because I wanted to show you that I could do things myself. To prove to you that I was worth something. That I wanted to live up to your expectations of me and become a great queen like you are." Merida was looking down and away. She was admitting things to her mum she realized she hadn't admitted to herself.

"I wanted to prove myself to you, but I couldn't do it your way. I don't know why. I wanted too. I tried so hard, but I couldn't. I didn't know how to feel like myself sometimes. Only going out on Angus and shooting arrows and being away from the castle made me feel like myself again. It wasn't useful in so many ways but it felt so good."

Elinor put her arms around her daughter, who put her head on her shoulder.

"I wanted my freedom, so I could figure out how _I_ could be a great queen, not how I could be you, though you are a great queen. I want to be like you but I can't _be_ you, and I don't think I want to be. But now I am not sure how to be anything at all. I chose so badly, changing you, dada almost killed you and it took everything I had to stop him, but I don't know if I could have stopped him if he came at you again. Even fixing the tapestry was the wrong thing too. I'm sorry but I am such a bad princess and daughter." Merida buried her face in her mum's shoulder trying so hard not to cry.

"No, no, you are not a bad girl. You did make some bad choices, but you tried your hardest to fix what happened. For that you are a good girl. I saw what you did to your father. How did you know? He fights his men so much but they never found that weakness."

"You know about it too?" Elinor nodded. "I found it when I was a kid, I hurt him while playing and I never wanted to hurt him, but I had to protect you."

"It hurt to have to do that, didn't it?" Asked Elinor gently.

"Yes, it was terrible. I couldn't let him kill you, but to hurt him was terrible too. It was the only way."

"I know. And that is what I was talking about when I said we would be working on hard things. You had to choose between hurting your father and letting me be killed by him. You made the best choice possible, but it hurts just the same. This won't be the last time you face that kind of decision."

Merida gasped and pulled back and looked into her mum's eyes and could see the haunted look in those eyes that told her mum had faced that many times.

Merida bit her pink lip. "Does it get any easier?"

"No." Elinor said sadly, shaking her head, her eyes haunted. "You will spend lots of time thinking of ways to find a better solution for next time. There might be nightmares, but next time will be so different you can't have thought of it ahead of time."

"Oh, mum, I'm sorry." Merida cried, holding her mum close, trying to comfort the both of them, as she lost a certain kind of innocence. Her mum had suffered so much, and she had never knew. But now she did.

"There, there. It'll be okay. Really."

* * *

Author's Note: The princess lessons just got real. Merida only wore her crown for a short while in the movie, but the queen learned a lot about herself because of her crown and so the princess lessons take a turn in a different direction. Being a real princess in that world is a lot harder then it looks.

Okay, I didn't expect a second part to this crown idea but there you go.


End file.
